Google Assistant

Have a laugh with the Assistant this International Joke Day

Picture this: you’re in a dim room packed full of people. Suddenly it’s your turn to go on stage and spontaneously create and act out a story—complete with characters, jokes and dialogue. While this would terrify most people, as an improv comedian, this is actually one of my “happy places.” 


I’m also one of the team members that infuses humor and personality into the Google Assistant, so naturally International Joke Day is my other happy place.


If you’re looking to get in on the fun—or prep for your next act— just ask your Assistant “Hey Google, tell me a joke.” 


"Hey Google, tell me a joke"

Here are some of our favorite responses you’ll get across the globe:

Australia

“I once fell in love with an encyclopedia. I was completely infactuated 📖”

Brazil

“Por que os professores ficam felizes nas festas de Dia das Bruxas?” Porque há bastante espírito escolar 👻”

Translation: “Why are teachers happy on Halloween? Because there is a lot of school spirit”

Canada

“Which Canadian dessert has the biggest antlers? The chocolate moose”

Egypt

“👦 أمي، هل المحيط الهادئ، هادئ دائمًا؟ 🙎‍️ هل  يمكن أن تسأل سؤالًا جدّي أكثر، يا كريم؟ 👦 طيّب، متى مات البحر الميّت؟”

Translation: “👦 Mom, mom, is the Pacific Ocean calm all the time? 🙎‍️Can you ask a  serious question? 👦 Okay, when did the Dead Sea die?” (Editor’s note: The Pacific Ocean in Arabic is known as the “calm ocean”)

France

“Si vous vous lancez dans le commerce, je vous conseille la vente de bateaux. Votre entreprise sera immédiatement à flot 🌊 😉”

Translation: “If you ever start a business, I recommend trying to sell boats. You wouldn't want to miss the boat”

Germany

“Gehen zwei Hunde in der Wüste spazieren. Meint der eine zum anderen: „Wenn nicht bald ein Baum kommt, passiert ein Unglück!” 🐕💩”

Translation: “Two dogs are walking in the desert.  One dog says to the other: ‘If we don't see a tree soon something bad is going to happen!’ 🐕💩”

Great Britain

“How did the vacuum cleaner die? It bit the dust 💨”

India

"ডাক্তার : আপনার অ্যাপেনডিসাইটিসের সমস্যা হয়েছিলো কখনো? রোগী : হ্যাঁ ডাক্তারবাবু, ছোটবেলায় স্কুলে থাকতে খুব সমস্যা হয়েছিল , বানান করতে গিয়ে"

Translation: “Doctor: Did you ever have a problem with Appendicitis? Patient: Yes, Doctor, When I was young, at school, I had a big problem...  writing the spelling for it”

Indonesia

“Kenapa ikan hidup di air asin? Karena air lada akan membuat ikan bersin 🐡”

Translation: “Why do fish live in the salty water? Because peppery water makes fish sneeze 🐡”

Japan

“旅の出発地にピッタリな島があるのを知ってますか?どこかって? | 「イースター島」です🗿いいスタート、だから👍”

Translation: “Did you know that there is an island that is perfect for beginning a journey? You want to know where it is? It’s ‘Easter Island’🗿Because it has a good start.👍 (Editor’s note: The sound of the words “a good start” is “Ii sutarto” in Japanese which sounds like “Isutar To,” the name of Easter Island)

Mexico

“¿Qué hace Pepito golpeando un reloj? Está matando el tiempo 🕡”

Translation: “Why is Pepito hitting a clock? He's killing time 🕡”

Singapore

“I really need to stop making jokes about prawns. It's making me hungry sia 🍤”

Editor’s note: "Sia" is an expression in Singapore, to show excitement or exaggeration. Additionally, it’s a play on the sound for the word for “prawns” in Chinese, which is one of the many languages spoken in the country.

Spain

“👦 Profe, ¿me castigaría por algo que no he hecho? 👩 No, Jaimito, ¡por supuesto que no! 👦 Qué bien, porque no he hecho los deberes”

Translation: “👦 Teacher, would you punish me for something I haven't done? 👩 No, Jaimito, of course not! 👦 That's great because I haven't done my homework”

Taiwan

“蘋果和梨子在比賽,看誰先講到自己名字就輸了,梨子興奮地說:「來啊」 | 梨子就輸了🍐🍎”

Translation: “Apple and Pear are having a contest -- whoever says their name first will lose. Eagerly, Pear says "Bring it on!" and ends up the loser" (Editor’s note: Pear's comment sounds like "pear” [the fruit] in Taiwanese)

U.S.

“Why won't the shrimp share its treasure? Because it’s shellfish 🍤”

Vietnam

“Bé đi học về, khoe với bố: Bố ơi, con là người khoẻ nhất lớp đấy! Tại sao con nghĩ thế? Tại vì cô giáo bảo con rằng, chỉ một mình con mà kéo cả lớp tụt lại đằng sau 😜”

Translation: “A kid looked very proud when speaking to his father after school: ‘Dad, I’m the strongest one in my whole class!’ ‘That’s great, but how did you know that?’ said his father. ‘My teacher told me today that I alone have dragged the whole class down to the bottom position this month! 😜’”